Trust the process!!

Over and over again in my Stephen Ministry class, our leader has been saying "Trust the Process" in regards to being patient with out learning of all the necessary and required skills. As we were reviewing all this again on Tuesday night, God spoke directly to my heart, telling me that I need to "trust the process" in one particular aspect of my life. I have told more than a few people that I "just want to know" with regards to this issue.  I want things to happen yesterday- on my time and not God's. I want things to work out the way I want them to, not necesarily desiring God's best for me. I am learning, growing and enjoying my more regular quiet times with God to be sure. I am learning more about His character and His compassion to be sure.... but if I'm really honest with myself, part of me has started thinking that if I just start reading the Bible enough, or praying enough, or being good enough that God would reward me with one of the deepest desires of my heart, but at the same time, believing that I'm not quite good enough or loveable enough to deserve that desire. Author Fil Anderson says it this way, which really resonated with me: "my hopes for the future have been haunted by my blunders of the past. My desperate longing to get my life right has been dogged by the nagging fear that it will never happen, given the obvious fact that I am helplessly flawed."
Don't you just love when you read something or hear something in a song that puts your feelings into words better than you ever could?!

As I was reminded on Tuesday night, my role is not to always know or understand but to trust. Fil Anderson says "prayer is God's business and what is most necesary is my willingness to surrender to what God desires, trusting God with the results (apparent or otherwise). If I am wise, I'll wait on God and persist in prayer without being consumed or frustrated with thinking about what I might receive in reurn."  How easy to know, how difficult to practice!!!!

Gracious Father- you who did not even spare your own son that I might be redeemed now and in eternity, renew my hope and faith that I might trust you to bless me with only the best you have for me, instead of settling for something less. Remind me of your faithfulness in my doubt and be faifthful to complete the good work you began in me, even as my sin constantly gets in the way.



**** all quotes taken from Fil Anderson's book- Running on Empty, contemplative spirituality for over achievers.